I just ranted out loud to my wall.

I close my eyes and feel whatever I think I feel and realized that I cannot tell what I feel. My eyes shut hard as if I'm trying to create the colors in the darkness that I do when I'm bored. I do that. And then I open my eyes and hear the ringing you hear in silence and think of how much I'd like to be next to someone. Subtle feelings of aloneness.

dwindling

We are kindred spirits, you and I. You said so yourself actually. It made me feel really good. I think the reason for that was because it's true. Genuine thinkers of the same mind but are not afraid to have differences in opinion. And I will be sad because you are leaving soon, and the string I thought might have been there will be tangled in a mess of knots and bows. I hope I can see you. Just please don't change too much because I adore you in a differently strange way. Or maybe you could just not leave.

The Answer

 

So watch your step or you might fall

You act like you're a know-it-all

Yeah, I used to do that

We can read and drink cinnamon tea together. We can enjoy silences  and midday talks. We can watch a dozen movies until we fall asleep. We can go outside to star gaze and listen to 40s music. I could listen to you play and sing for as long as I can. It would be a nice life, don't you think?

I love Edgar Allan Poe.

I would love to have bread with my words. But what consciousness beckons from the lack of open eyes? My years are short and what do we permanently do but die? I arrange my thoughts into perspective of my darkness and wind my fears into a coil of temptations. These will not pass by the wall of superiority for they strain out those who believe they can have bread with their wine. If most of what they say is true, some who have made their own truth will give up at glance and climb the wall of steps to the permanency of life. They are aware of what they do on the other side; they cannot find a way down, so they jump.Other people with original truths will simply walk around it. Their only disadvantage is that they do not know what is on the other side. A fate in the cracks of the walls that is defined by a red paint. Their monsters are shred down to their ears so they become the bread with their words.

Passionate words derived from a lonely being

And in hell there are no walls
At least in heaven there are corners which we fall back on
Where every angel hides
to wait for repentance that they’ll never receive
They spend their god awful lives just waiting
 till they forget why they’re there
and slowly, their bones carve themselves into a devil
That they thought they left behind

they ask if it is art yet cannot define it themselves

A desire to go nowhere. What do you do with that? You want something so desperately yet the result is out of your control. No, it is that you both want the same thing yet you imagine it with togetherness but they seek it still. What do you do with that? I suppose the answer is nothing. But I do so endearingly want it. 

Suppose you stroll on in to a coffee shop and see someone you used know. They have their coffee black, and they sit in the corner table looking out of the window, blankly. Do you approach them?

Indiscreetly washing the lies from the floorboards
Promotes an optimism in youth
A persistence of things not of dillusions
Only things of tangible happiness
 

Ah, what a lovely moment it is
When you've found your red string
Where it starts
Where it ends.
And where it will prosper to be

---

You know you're in love when you don't want to sleep, because your reality is better than your dreams

Seuss

I'm always skeptical of snowflakes.

He said he was lonely
And it upset me
Until I realized
That why I was not at ease
Was because of the state

Alex's Playist

Not my brother Alex, but another Alex.
All my favorite songs

Kiss With A Fist - Florence And The Machine
Ghosts - The Head In The Heart
White Winter Hymnal - Fleet Foxes
Peter Pan - Jinja Safari
Run - Daughter
Awkward - San Cisco
Caring Is Creepy - The Shins
Fist Day Of My Life - Bright Eyes
The World At Large - Modest Mouse
Let Me In - Snowmine
Forest Eyes - Jinja Safari
Youth - Daughter
Good Day - Jukebox And The Ghost
Quiet - Non Tiq
The Woods - Daugher
All The Rowboats - Regina Spektor
Landlocked Blues - Bright Eyes
Daylight - Matt And Kim
Marvelous Things - Eisley
The Best Thing I Found - Rabbit!
Mountain Sound - Of Monsters And Men
At The Bottom Of Everything - Bright Eyes